1. Live in Paris
Ever since I was a little girl I've been fascinated with everything French. Ironically, it spun out of my deep love for everything Russian. While reading Tolstoy's novels and Pushkin's poetry I became aware that the sign of Russian Nobility was everything French -- speaking French, owning property in France, French fashion, French cooking, and French writing. Since my ancestors include mayors of both Moscow and St. Petersburg, I've longed for a connection to the past, which included nothing in my own life back in Latvia. They taught us English, Latvian and German in school. The only people who took French were ballet dancers. I wasn't one.
When I moved to United States one of the first choices I had to make was a language to take in High School. The options were French, Spanish, and Latin. Neeless to say, I jumped at the chance to take French, and stuck with it for 8 years, all the way through the end of College. Unfortunately I never got a chance to study abroad, although I always wanted to. Hence, my desire to live in France has gone unfulfilled, but I'm hoping that eventually an opportunity will present itself.
2. Live in NYC
There's something about the energy in New York that always leaves you wanting more. Although the pace of the city intimidates me, I've always felt an unexplainable freedom when walking through its streets. While living back on the East Coast, I had a chance to make a trip at least every 6 months. And every single time I wanted to stay. My only attempt at getting to New York was an application to NYU. I got wait-listed and never got in. (Although I blame my school -- one of the best in the state. College competition consisted entirely of my class and a 3.86 GPA wasn't even close to enough in competing with people who ended up going to Harvard, Yale, Brown and Columbia. Although my transfer record must have been compelling enough, colleges obviously couldn't accept all 286 of us from the same High School. So they chose the best, which wasn't me.)
I feel a certain connection to New York, because I got a chance to live through a piece of its pain almost 10 years ago now. I've been on the top of the Twin Towers. A few months later I visited Ground Zero. I remember where I was on September 11, 2001, and I remember lines of people by the phones in my school and kids crying because they couldn't get a hold of their parents who worked there. Although I'm as far away as you can get from New York now, a piece of it is always in me.
3. Live on my own for a year
Well this is about to happen, and Seattle is probably the best place to accomplish this goal. By now the city feels cozy and friendly, so getting out on my own isn't as intimidating as it would be in New York or Paris. I think it's a huge part of growing up and learning about life. Why is it on a list of things to do? In the russian christian community it's common for a girl to live with her parents all the way until she gets married. When a woman gets out on her own people ask questions and wonder what she is hiding (unless she went to school in a city far away from home -- also uncommon.) I've got nothing to hide. But I want the experience.
4. See the Northern Lights
Ok. This one is random. But I just think it'd be a cool thing to do! And it's totally accomplishable. All I gotta do is book a vacation in Norway! Packages include accomodations at an Ice Hotel as well as dog-sleighing. Both sound like a lot of fun to me!
5. Start my own business -- preferably run a non-profit that has something to do with helping orphans in Latvia.
Toying with the idea of becoming an independent business owner has been a common activity on my morning commute. Although I know that I'm definitely not yet at a point where I know enough to go through with it, I've been thinking about this a LOT. I have millions of ideas, but the one above is closest to my heart.
Since 12 years old I've been involved in helping out with kid camps back in Latvia. I've done some work translating, as well as being a counselor. A lot of those camps brought kids from orphanages. Their stories were heartbreaking, and their living conditions sad, at the least. Having an apportunity to make a difference excites me, and I'm sure God will use my desire in His timing and make this happen.
6. Have a family
Well, this is pretty self-explanatory, and not at all uncommon, but a lot of people are surprised to hear it come out of my mouth. For some reason I project this image of a determined career woman who'll walk on people's heads to get ahead. In reality, career is the last thing I want. Although a lot of employers will frown at this, a job to me is a way to make enough for living so that I can comfortably spend time with my family. As much time as I can. After all, a huge house and an expensive car mean nothing if you have nobody living and riding in it with you.
I've also realized that the bible is right on in a sense that a woman is emotionally wired to take care of her family and maintain the house. For me it's clear because those things come naturally and evoke a feeling of warmth and comfort. When I think about a career, I feel confused and intimidated. And I'm not a woman who'll fight her innate instincts to prove that she's better than a man. We're not better or worse. We're just different!
I have trouble ending things. But this IS the end.
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