Goals and Expectations

Let's disappoint right off the bet: this is not a post about my goals (who cares anyways :). This is a post about self-discovery. Here is what I've discovered about self:

Under the pressure of other peoples' expectations, along with societal convictions taught in schools, on job sites, and through self-help books, I've been desperately trying to set goals and personal deadlines. Recently it dawned on me that I've never functioned well with those in mind. It's like a switch is triggered inside, and as soon as an expectation is put forth, my entire self pushes against it. I'm sure there are deep psychological issues from early childhood linked to this phenomenon, but I'm no expert to try and i.d. those.

What I figured out is this: I do the best when nobody, including myself, expects it from me. Case in point -- it took forever to start this blog. I've been thinking about it for two years! (Not exaggerating!) I kept setting deadlines for myself, only to wallow in guilt when I didn't follow through time and time again. Then, along with every other idea I've nurtured for years, God asked me to let this endeavor go and just relax. "Be still, and know that I Am God!" Psalm 46:10. It was probably the best request He's ever made of me! And He sure knew what He was doing. As soon as I surrendered and let everything go, things started happening. Writing was only one of the areas that finally came through. Once I started, I was determined not to set any goals or deadlines. I write because I like it, and not because I have to. And apparently, that's what works best!

So here is my promise to all my faithful readers: I will not write daily, weekly, monthly or on any other set schedule. Some days I might post twice. Other times I might disappear entirely until further notice. I will not stick to a certain subject. If I'm inspired to talk about politics, I won't write about fashion, and vice-versa. I will not tell you I won't advertise on here, because someday I just might decide I want to. I will not aim for a certain number of hits a day (although I think the more the merrier) and go out of my way to direct traffic here. If people like it -- they'll tell their friends. On the other hand, I will not be determined to depend exclusively on other peoples' buzz-marketing, and might shamelessly tell you about my writing in person, if I choose to. I want this to stay as something that I love to do. So I won't make the mistake of setting expectations again.